The #1 Tactic I Use When My Child Doesn’t Want to Do Something
Being a parent means facing daily challenges, big and small… One of the most common struggles in my life right now? Getting my kids to do something they don’t want to do- whether it’s going to school, cleaning up, or trying something new. Over time, I’ve learned this simple, but effective approach: comfort first, then distract.
Step 1: Comfort
This morning, my son didn’t want to go to school. It was one of those tough moments where tears were involved, and my heart ached for him. Instead of immediately trying to fix the situation, I started by simply comforting him. I gave him hugs and listened to what he was feeling.
This step is important. I want my son to feel comfortable enough to feel his feelings and not diminish them or bury them. Sometimes kids, like adults, just want to feel heard and supported. I think it’s important to release those emotions first. Sometimes he feels all better and is ready to go after this comforting, but if he’s still upset- that’s when I get creative…
Step 2: Distract, but with a Positive Focus
Once he calmed down a bit, I shifted gears. I needed to give him something fun to look forward to- something that would make going to school feel less overwhelming. In the past, small things like drawing a heart on his hand or promising a treat after school have worked, but today, those tactics weren’t cutting it.
So, I got creative. I said, “I have a fun idea—what if you bring your teacher a surprise to make her smile? Maybe some of these flowers? You can pick which color you think she will love.”
That was it. That tiny shift in focus changed everything. His tears stopped instantly, and he became excited about his new mission. He carefully picked out the flowers he thought his teacher would like best. When we arrived at school, he walked in confidently, no longer hesitant or upset.
A few other creative ideas that are my go-to when trying to make something fun and distract:
- When he's having separation problems: Drawing a heart on his hand and mine- and told him to tap the heart when he misses me
- When they don't want to get in the car: Doing a silly walk to the car. I give two options: do you want to waddle like a penguin or fly like a butterfly? Do you want to swim like a shark or walk like a crab?
- Should we drive by the fire station so we can wave to the firefighters and honk the horn?
- When they don't want to clean up: turn on a timer to see how fast we can clean, toss the toys into a basket like a basketball, count how many toys we can clean up
- For picky eating: try changing it up- a "rainbow plate" or eating on a cutting board instead of a plate, put a blanket down and have an indoor picnic
Channel your inner Mary Poppins, but first be sure to always comfort them and make sure they feel heard. Example: "I know you don't want to get in the car right now. I hear you. I know you would rather play. But, I have a silly idea! What if we play a game about walking to the car. You can choose if we hop like a bunny or march like a dinosaur!"
Why This Works
Kids are smart. They know when we’re trying to trick them into doing something they don’t want to do. That’s why the key is genuine comfort first, listening and making them feel heard, followed by an engaging distraction. It’s not about bribing or forcing. It’s about redirecting their energy in a way that empowers them.
Every child is different, so what works one day might not work the next. The challenge (and beauty) of parenting is staying flexible and creative. But I’ve found that when I approach difficult moments with empathy and a little bit of playfulness, things tend to go a lot smoother.
So, next time your child resists doing something, try this:
1. Comfort them first—validate their feelings and give them support.
2. Offer a fun or meaningful distraction—shift their focus to something positive.
It won’t work every single time, but when it does, it’s magic. And honestly? It makes even the hard parenting moments feel a little bit sweeter and more fun!